Kevin Owens apologizes for not powerbombing Machine Gun Kelly sooner
John Cena grants special Make-A-Wish request for Kevin Owens
Samoa Joe and Kevin Owens provide hope to pudgy unattractive men everywhere
Zayn demoted to main roster
Fan proclaims every match on NXT show “Match of the Night”
Entire NXT roster suspended for using performance-enhancing talent
Jaded wrestling fans already declare “We’ve Steen Enough”
Jaded wrestling fans already bored with Sting’s WWE run
Lesnar-Cena moved to pre-show to make room for NXT match
Fickle wrestling fans already sick of Zayn, Steen
WWE repackages Sami Zayn as El Specifico